Rope, whips, vibrators are all great, but the single sexiest thing a Top can master is attitude.
As a sub, I want my Dom to really enjoy hurting me. I don't enjoy being spanked in a vacuum (I'd do it to myself more if that was the case). What is really sexy about spanking is the sadism of the Dom. As the dominate partner, your bottom is being submissive and putting up with your torture in large part because you love it.
But as a Top, you're stuck in a tough situation: not only do you have to keep your sub safe, know where the scene is going and enjoy yourself, but you've got to project that enjoyment outwards. Making your sub perceive the sadism is key.
So how does a Top do it? Well, there's many ways. Moaning as you hurt your bottom works, as does smiling. Heck, you could just talk about how much you're enjoying their suffering. Here's some creative ways to show your enthusiasm:
Threats
Threaten your sub that you're enjoying this too much and maybe you won't stop. When you're in the middle of the scene, there's no penalty for idle threats. You may not be able to actually enslave your bottom full time, but you can tell them you will. They're vulnerable anyway. They'll love it.
Warning: Don't over use this tip. Make too many idle threats and your bottom will stop believing you. You might be forced to actually follow through with a threat (though that might be fun). It's important to keep your sub slightly worried about what you're capable of. Gotta keep them in their place, after all.
Bring up their service to you out of the blue
Like an unprompted compliment, telling your bottom you want to hurt them means so much more when they're not thinking about it. It's as simple as this: If you didn't love topping them, you wouldn't be thinking of them during day to day activities.
Force your bottom to act like they enjoy it
This one is my favorite and goes straight to the heart of the matter. Let's talk about vanilla sex for a second. Sexual attraction is a cyclic back-and-forth acknowledgement of lust. John likes Mary. Mary learns John likes her, so she likes him back. John finds out Mary likes him, and he suddenly likes her even more...
This is why new couples are so obnoxious. They keep swapping "I love you!" and deepen their attraction as a result. This back and forth is also why your sub wants to see you enjoying dominating them. They can't force you to like it (by the nature of being submissive), but you can force them! They'll see you want them to like it, inferring that you like it. Confused? These examples explain the idea:
- Make your sub ask to be submissive, but one sentence at a time. You've got to control it. Something like this exchange: "Tell me you want to serve me." "I want to serve you." "Tell me again." "I want to serve you." "Tell me you've been thinking about it..."
- Force them to ask you to hurt them. No, wait, better yet: force them to beg you to hurt them.
- If you're doing penetration of any kind, force them to do the moving. Make them fuck themselves.
- When you're hurting them, force them to move into the pain. Instead of cringing and pulling away, you want them to act like they are enjoying it. If you're spanking them, have your sub lift their backside towards the paddle, possibly higher in the air.
I firmly believe that forcing your bottom to enjoy their submission can only reflect your enjoyment of it. But I think these examples also bring your domination to a higher level. You're not just controlling their body, you've got their mind as well.
Aftercare
This should be a given, but you need to tell your sub how much you enjoyed playing with them after you're done. This isn't the sexy controlling part of you speaking, it's the rational, honest self speaking.
So what do you think? How do you show your submissive that you love controlling them? Bottoms: got any advice? Let's discuss in the comments.
